10 Life Lessons from 'The House in the Cerulean Sea'
Books have much to teach us. Within their pages lie hidden gems, if we only notice them. These are only some of the life lessons that stood out for me in 'The House in the Cerulean Sea.'
1. When self-doubt creeps in, remind yourself that you have handled similar situations before and been successful
“…….. he found himself standing at the front door to the main house, steeling his nerves. “It’s no different than any other assignment,” he muttered to himself. “You’ve been in this situation before. On with it, old boy. You’ve got it.” (p.99)
Think about how you would advise or reassure a friend or colleague in a similar situation.
Treat yourself with kindness and compassion.
Become a detective of your thoughts. Ask yourself if your thoughts are true. What evidence do you have that they are not true? If it were not true then how would you be in this situation (reflective question from the work of Byron Katie)
2. Don’t judge others by their outward appearance
“…..I learned that I still judge people by their appearance, though I should know better.” (p.106)
Our judgments will likely be wrong.
How can we make judgments when don’t know what that person is going through? We have not walked in their shoes.
An outward appearance can be easily changed/manipulated. What is more important is the essence of that person. The thing that lies deep within.
3. Notice when your thoughts are being driven by prejudice - this will cloud how you are relating/thinking
“Sometimes,” Mr Parnassus said, “our prejudices colour our thoughts when we least expect them to. If we can recognize that, and learn from it, we can become better people…..” (p.107)
When we notice our prejudices then we need to reflect, challenge them, and open our heart to other points of view.
Be aware that some of our biases are ‘unconscious biases’ (they are ingrained and we may not even know we have them!). If we start to notice a pattern of bias – challenge it.
We can help ourselves by educating ourselves.
4. Make time for the things that you like, this will lead to an increase in your happiness
“Arthur says that we should always make time for the things we like,” Talia said. “If we don’t, we might forget how to be happy. …..” (p.110)
These can be simple things: a hot drink; a walk in nature; time to read; time to learn.
Even small amounts of time make a difference – 5 minutes will give you a ‘happiness pause’.
Being happy will lead to improvements in your health.
5. When we apply labels and limiting expectations to others - this is what they will live up to
“… he [Chauncey] was called a monster, even by people who should have known better. He was told the stories of monsters hiding under beds whose calling in life was to frighten others. He thought that was who he was supposed to be. That it was his job to scare people, because it’d been ingrained in his head that was all he was capable of. It wasn’t until he came here that he realized he could be something more.” (p.117)
Think about the labels that we may apply to students, our colleagues, and others. Learn to apply ‘good labels’ and labels that allow for personal growth and development.
Have a 'growth mindset' and recognise the potential for all individuals to change if they are willing to apply effort.
Notice when you start to label yourself negatively. Labels such as “I’m too stupid…”, “I am not intelligent enough…..”. When you give yourself these labels then this is what you become!
6. Listen out for the ‘whispers’ you receive in life - this is what leads to change, but only if you hear them
“… Change often starts with the smallest of whispers. Like-minded people building it up to a roar. “ (p.118)
Described in many ways, ‘the whisper’ can also be referred to as: your inner voice; your heart song; your inner compass; and, the nudges you receive in life.
Create time for solitude, to look inwards so that you hear your whispers. Or simply turn down the noise and distractions in your life to hear them.
Your whispers guide you in the direction of your true desires. They are unique to you.
7. Learn from your mistakes
“…while some mistakes are bigger than others, if we learn from them, we become better people.” (p.159)
Our mistakes are our guide to future personal development and growth. We are all students at the University of Life.
You can also :
“Learn from the mistakes of others.” Eleanor Roosevelt
Knowing that you are human and will make mistakes, permits you to try new things rather than holding back in fear.
8. We can’t run from the monsters that we create inside our own heads
“Humanity is so weird. If we’re not laughing, we’re crying or running for our lives because monsters are trying to eat us. And they don’t even have to be real monsters. They could be the ones we make up in our heads. ” (p160)
Face your monsters, learn to love them, look after them, and tame them. They could be present in the form of fears, anxieties, or past traumas.
Name your monsters, notice their patterns of behavior, and when they appear.
9. Don’t let your stubbornness stop you from seeing another person’s point of view
“….if we were arguing, it would mean that we were both so set in our ways, we weren’t amenable to seeing it from another side. And I know I’m not that stubborn.” (p180)
We don’t have to agree with someone else’s viewpoint. However, to be well rounded thinkers we need to listen to viewpoints that are different from our own. Don’t let feelings of self-righteousness stop us from doing this.
Beware when our ego is getting in the way of widening our peripheral vision. Try not to live with tunnel vision.
Another person's viewpoint isn’t wrong, it is just a viewpoint. Our viewpoint isn’t necessarily right, it’s just a viewpoint. It is important not to live in a world of “group think” (where we hold the same views and opinions of those in the group and alternative viewpoints are discouraged).
Accepting there are other viewpoints, apart from our own, creates a harmonious, diverse, and more tolerant society.
10. Notice how those around you treat defenseless animals [or people] as it will tell you a lot about them
“……. you can always judge a person by how they treat animals. If there is cruelty, then that person should be avoided at all costs. If there is kindness, I like to think it’s the mark of a good soul.” (p.211)
Kindness towards the vulnerable matters and can transform lives and create positivity in those around us.
People will often show you or tell you who they are. Believe them.
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” Maya Angelou
Research in psychology and criminology shows that individuals who abuse animals rarely stop there – they often go on to abuse humans:
“Anyone who has accustomed himself to regard the life of any living creature as worthless is in danger of arriving also at the idea of worthless human lives.” Dr A Schweitzer (humanitarian) and Robert K Ressler (who developed profiles of serial killers for FBI)
Other related posts:
'The House in the Cerulean Sea' - Book Impressions
Managing Chronic Stress: 30 x 5 minute nurturing practices
Reference:
T J Klune, 'The House in the Cerulean Sea', Pub: TOR; Year: 2021
Byron Katie, 4 reflective questions, Online: https://thework.com/2017/10/four-liberating-questions/ Accessed Jan 2024
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